No I can't remember of a mansion right back at the start of the course of this training program would
be more of a journey of self discovery above and beyond all things.
And I do hope that you're learning some fascinating insights about yourself here.
So in that last clip we looked at the choices on the decisions of maturity and character and it would
be very very easy for us at times wouldn't it to categorize people as being mature or immature as we
judge people by their actions and the behaviors.
But just remember that people don't always do the things that they do for the reasons that we would
be inclined to think that they do them in fact that is very rarely the case because we're all boating
and basing our lives upon a set of beliefs beliefs about who we are beliefs about what we are capable
of.
Remember the elephant story.
We all have this little noose or this chain around your neck and has a stake in the ground is holding
us all back from something in life.
Or is there do we just think that there is.
Well this is a problem that many people have in life isn't it because our beliefs very much do determine
what we go on to do or don't do.
So here in this clip I would like to present you with the foundations of our decision making process
right when we make decisions on a day to day basis and what's true for me is going to be true for you
what's true for you is also gonna be true for your clients.
We make our decisions i.e. how we react or respond to people's circumstances situations and things.
In response to one of three things.
All right.
Have you ever known anyone who's just a highly emotional person who makes frequently poor decisions
emotionally based decision that kind of up and down like a yo yo.
Well well that's right.
Many people do live their life this way.
If you've ever had a conversation with a person and they say it but I just feel that I'm no good I just
feel that the world is over to get me.
Oh you just feel like a complete failure.
And for people who speak in this way are actually given voice to is on one level yes their learning
style they're going to be quite kinesthetic by nature but they're also given voice to their greatest
fears.
All right.
They're also giving an indication as to what it is that they fundamentally believe about themselves.
No it's important that we just establish first and foremost that feelings are not facts.
All right.
I know this does contradict many common popular cultural beliefs especially even now as have been determined
by even the American Association of Psychiatry.
All right.
Many people are defined by their feelings and nor how they how they feel a day to day basis.
I'm going to suggest that this is an extremely dangerous way of living life and it's also a very unnecessary
way of living life because our feelings are what they claim to be on the 10 their feelings.
They come and they go they blow in they blow up they blew out one man and one life.
Next minute they're gone.
What we focus on generally determines what we feel on a minute by minute basis and no you're even aware
of this.
All right.
So it's important that we understand when our client comes to us for life coaching purposes they may
very well give voice to what they believe is true.
They may very well give voice to what they feel is true.
They might give voice to what they think or assume is going to happen at some point in the future.
Bu we must remain grounded in our endeavors.
Unjust.
No.
That's none of these things are even necessarily true.
All right people respond more to the perception of reality than reality itself.
So I do apologize if it seems or sounds like him and kind of re over the similar ideas here.
All right.
But we've really got to get grounded in this stuff.
All right.
Because most problems that people have over clients half hour aren't even really going to be real things.
Nine times out of 10 people just respond to the worst case scenario that they conjure up inside of their
minds.
All right.
So the next video I'm going to share with you a little case study and then we're going to dissect that
we're going to break it down and see if we can identify which aspects of the case study are fact which
aspects of the case study our faith and which aspects of the case study are just our clients feelings.
I want to break down these three words.
All right we've got to look our life so we don't have to.
But I would encourage you just to look at your life as a train choo choo train.
What's driving your train right now.
Think about what it was driving your decision making on a day by day basis is it feelings.
Do you just make your decisions based on how you feel on a minute by minute basis and if so how was
that working out.
Vietnam is a pretty good chance that it isn't.
All right.
If you think about it on a very practical level it's quite difficult to trust people who are building
their lives upon their emotions.
Why.
Because if you think about what our emotions are like especially if we are not grounded in self management
if we are not aware of ourselves and therefore effectively able to manage ourselves we start at risk
of kind of live in life like this.
Up and down like a yo yo I mean when we feel good life is good when we feel not so good.
Life is all doom and gloom and then we feel good and then we feel not so good and then we no good have
a meeting with some friends and we feel fantastic and then we sit at home one night time and think about
some stuff that we don't like thinking about and then we feel bad again and then we're up and then we're
down.
There's a pretty good chance that you will know some people who live their life in this way is it's
kind of like life is a roller coaster.
You just go right it's.
But some people do live the life in this way.
And one minute they're fine next minute they're fine.
We would refer to these people as being inconsistent.
All right inconsistent individuals who Bowden based their life upon feelings I'm gonna suggest quite
baldly.
This is not a mature or a sustainable foundation upon which to build and base our life on and it's certainly
emotions are not grounded enough to really be basing our decisions upon.
Let's look at faith.
Here is a funny little words.
I mentioned this earlier on.
Many people associate the word faith with some sort of religious meaning or terror meaning what faith
are you.
Well I'm not a Buddhist.
I'm of the Hindu faith I'm of the Islamic faith the Christian faith and that faith is not beliefs.
All right Faith is more about the expectations that we have that are future based.
All right are you with me.
So say for example let's look at you right now.
You enrolled on this course for a reason.
There's a pretty good chance that you're you didn't you know you enrolled in this course not because
you were expecting it to be absolutely rubbish just a bunch of hype and nonsense but you most likely
expected it or you hoped to Europe you would have parted with your money right and expectation and in
faith that you're going to get some value from it.
Well in the same way.
Right.
Why is it that we Woods would commit to people in marriage.
Why is it that we would commit to a new job or start a business or or have children in the world because
we are in faith that something positive is going to happen that's going to enhance the quality of our
lives in some way.
So the question isn't do you have any faith or do you not have any faith.
It's not.
Are you a person of faith.
Everyone has a level of faith but the amount of faith that we have for our futures is often going to
be determined by the amount of perceived failure that we've had in the past.
Are you with me right.
Think about it.
I mentioned this idea earlier on didn't I.
That's many people assume that the past equals a future all right.
So if this is the case you're working with the coaching clients right.
No and they've had failed relationships after failed relationship after failed relationship after failed
relationship and then it come to you and they're all doom and gloom and they say I've had all these
failed relationships.
I just.
I'm no good at relationships.
Oh you're not lovable.
I am no good.
I am worthless.
I want a relationship but I don't believe that I am capable of having a relationship.
All right.
What they're given voice to is that their faith has taken a serious pounding.
That's right.
They don't have too much faith for a bigger breath a brighter future because they are looking at their
past results and just simply expect and more of those in the future.
All right.
Think about those people that you know in your life who are just all doom and gloom all right.
You know you talk about doing something exciting going away for a nice weekend somewhere or you talk
about whatever it's going to be and then respond to see more what's the point.
You know what's the point of store a business.
What is the point of doing this thing.
The really really want to do all just fail.
I'm not good though I'm not good at this.
So some people live their lives.
No.
And there's another way that we can look at faith right.
We could look at faith in a religious context.
All right.
No.
Over there.
Coached and counseled quite a number of religious people over the years and their religion is one of
these funny ones.
All right square and faith and all future expectation is placed in some sort of higher power or a deity.
So this isn't about what you believe or what you know or what you don't believe.
Here is more about how our beliefs can impact our day to day experience.
Are you with me all right.
I remember having a conversation with a young man.
Quite a number of years ago.
And this young man who is quite religiously inclined and I think he'd been born and raised in the Church
of Scotland.
His dad was like a or a pastor at odds with his mom.
And they were very very religious family.
All right.
So church life was pretty much all.
Everything that they had pretty much going on this guy.
And he believed that it was God's will that he be married to a young lady that would come through the
church doors and those that you know he could only marry another another Christian and all this kind
of stuff.
The problem was he was fast approaching his 30s and he hadn't met anyone that he found attractive yet.
He actually found a lot of the Christian girls to be quite boring.
All right.
No am I asked him what the actual problem was and he said Well for years I was in faith.
All right.
I was in faith.
I thought Oh I'll be fine I'll be fine.
You know God's timing like God's will be done and all this kind of stuff.
And then I got to this point I got to amidst my mid twenties and I hadn't done what I wanted.
And then I started feeling sad and I start feeling a little bit depressed and I just start having my
doubts and start having my worries and all that kind of stuff.
And then and then I then I had this this this pit of despair.
I got myself in the hole because because that which I expected and now which I was in belief for didn't
happen within the time frame that I wanted at the time frame that I got it.
No this form of faith is really we can take a sin with expectation management.
The idea that shared earlier on remember that in life we are never disappointed what we find we're only
ever disappointed when our expectations aren't met.
Whether these expectations are an ADT or whether these expectations are in a parent or a teacher or
a role model or a friend.
What happens when we we think that we know someone don't we.
All right we think we know what we can trust a person for and then they threw us a wild card don't they.
They just act in a way that just seems completely out of character.
We end up disappointed and disheartened and dismayed.
Oh I can't believe you've done this and you've done that.
Because in my mind you should have been perfect for me.
All right.
Sometimes we can be a little bit graceless in terms of cutting people slack for the imperfections.
Well all I really want to show you here is so when we're building the foundations of our life upon faith
and faith alone is it really strong enough to sustain us.
Because all faith is future expectations based.
Are you with me right.
Which kind of really takes away any need for us to be responsible for our actions or even proactive
today.
You with me Do you see this.
All right I want to say go and have a conversation with a whole bunch of religious people.
Back to back about the faith and their expectations in fact ask a whole bunch of religious people what
their faith for.
And they'll tell you.
But all these expectations that they have at some point in the future.
Some of them will be waiting a very very long time because what faith doesn't always work hand-in-hand
with his action unless Faith and Action are actually walk and hunt and hunt them are very rarely going
to see the outcomes in our lives that we hope to see.
But that's going to be a story and a lecture for a little power in the course.
So basically what happens with faith is we can have extreme highs and extreme lows when we're getting
what we want.
We feel on top of the world or if we are still positively in faith and we we feel fine.
But then when we start questioning and doubting will I get what I want or won't I.
We start hitting rock bottom and again there's still highs and lows Catholic feelings just a bit more
extreme that can be extreme highs and extreme lows.
Know the facts.
All right.
What's driving your choo choo.
I like the belt and base my life upon facts.
Why.
Because facts are consistent.
All right.
You can't argue with the facts unless you're completely ignorant.
All right.
But yeah the facts just are what they are and the facts are like strong foundations fact.
I am completely in control of my decisions my actions my feelings I am completely in control of how
I choose to conduct myself all of the time if I want more relationships in my life I am in control of
whether I go and pursue more relationships in my life if I do not like the day job that I'm doing right
now.
Well guess who's choosing that fact.
The fact is that we are each solely responsible for our own lives.
All right.
Unfortunately sometimes people who operate in this realm fall victim to this kind of like an idea or
authoritative entitlement where the thinking that it's going to be someone else's responsibility or
someone else's role or God's role to make our lives work out the way that we wanted to.
But the facts are that if we do nothing we are going to get nothing if we change nothing our lice would
be fools to expect anything more tomorrow than what we've had today.
All right.
Now even if we have come from a background of boating or basing our lives upon feelings in this kind
of era of emotional inconsistency or we've come from a severe background or an extreme background of
faith right.
When we start becoming grounded in the facts of who we are of who we aren't.
All right.
Granted I might feel a little bit apprehensive a little bit anxious sometimes but that's not who I am.
That's just how I feel.
All right.
We can start self-regulating and managing ourselves far more effectively and ultimately therefore then
making wiser decisions.
You with me.
All right.
So the journey off boat and basing our life on the facts kind of looks like this.
This might very well be where we are.
Our clients are right up and down like a yo yo.
And generally all right.
I think I've mentioned this earlier on in the course as well.
And it's not that people ever have a problem with what they actually have in life.
People just have problems with how they feel sometimes.
All right.
But what I'm say is when we start voting and basing our life upon the facts upon the truth of who we
are who we are.
All right.
We just become more aware of the extent of the choices that we actually have available to us.
Well I might not like my current circumstances and whose problem is this is a problem.
My problem or someone else's problem because as soon as my as long as my problems are white my problem
in life belongs to someone else or I'm waiting for someone else to deal with my problems.
I'm forever going to remain disempowered and without this thing.
But I want this outcome that I want.
Once we build and base our life upon the facts either truth of who we are rather than how we feel about
ourselves what we think about ourselves what we believe about ourselves then we become automatically
grounded within ourselves.
Now you may not fully appreciate this just yet.
I'm just giving you a little bit of context.
No.
For what we're gonna be unpacking in the video is a follow on especially throughout the next section
as we really unpack human beliefs and how we can work with them as life coaches.
So in the next video I'm going to pull up on the board a case study right.
We're going to talk through it together and we're going to have a look at the problem that the client
is bringing to us as a life coach and then just simply see which aspects of the problem are fact actually
are a problem and then which aspects of the client's problem are are faith i.e. expectation based.
And then we're just gonna have a look at what aspects of the client's problem are actually just feelings
which can come and go literally just like the.
So what we find is interesting relate these ideas to yourself enforce the foundations of your life.
What do you build in based in your life on right now upon hard facts upon truth who you are what you're
actually capable of or are you building your life upon faith.
Some set of expectations someone's going to come through fear and deliver for you and the future kind
of like you're entitled to something or are you building based you like upon feelings thus being the
reason why we feel a little bit all over the place.
At times my friend sometimes a little bit self reflection is required especially if we do want to get
to the place where we're able to start seriously influencing and impacting others.
So we'll be fine this interesting and I'll see you again in the next clip.